


Dance Lessons

by OldWomanJosie



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 16:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2699561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldWomanJosie/pseuds/OldWomanJosie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony decides that Steve and Thor need to learn to dance. Everyone else chimes in to help out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Get Low

Surprising no one, it was Tony that started it. He decided that an appropriate celebration for saving the world and not dying (again) was to take his team to a club. Naturally, nothing could go wrong.

Tony had to physically drag Bruce and Steve through the doors, grinning so hard his face hurt. "Come on, this is going to be great! Just give it a chance!"

Thor peered over Tony's head at the mostly naked girls dancing on the poles. "Is this common Midgardian entertainment?"

Tony let go of Bruce to slap Thor on the back. "Absolutely! Traditional, oldest in the world. Hey Clint, show these losers how we do it!" Hawkeye tossed off a sarcastic salute and made his way onto the dance floor. Thor followed him, curiousity plain on his face.

Bruce had disappeared to the bar, but Tony still had Steve by the arm and he pulled him onto the dance floor after their team mates. "You can't tell me you've never seen stuff like this before," Tony admonished, catching Steve side-eyeing a grinding couple.

"Well, yeah, kind of, but it's been a while."

"It's fun," Tony insisted. He moved to the beat and never let it be said that Starks can't dance. It can, however, be said that Steve Rogers is very bad at the bump and grind. He shimmied awkwardly in place, self-consciously glaring at anyone who got close to him.

"God _damn_ , you have no rhythm," Tony said with an exasperated sigh.

"Stark!!" Thor's voice carried over the music and voices and Tony waved back at the smiling Asgardian. "This is fun!" Thor shouted, two girls cooing on his arm. 

"I know!" Tony turned back to Steve and chucked a thumb at Thor. "He gets it."

"Good for him," Steve mumbled, edging off the floor and toward the bar."

Tony was inclined to go after him, but instead spotted Natasha and Clint getting their groove on and moved toward them. "Yeah, you two get it!"

Steve found Bruce at the bar, staring at the multi-colored drinks with his head in his hands. "Doing alright?" Steve asked.

"This is not the best environment for me," Bruce said through gritted teeth. "Loud, for one. Extreme peer pressure for another," he added, noticing Tony start to look around.

Steve saw it too. "What do you say we get out of here? I bet the tower's quiet, at least no one's going to be there."

Bruce was halfway to the door before Steve even finished his sentence. "Let's do it."

"You guys are no fun!" Tony yelled after them, but they paid him no mind.


	2. Cupid Shuffle

After his first disastrous attempt at introducing Steve and Thor to modern dance life, Tony decided that he perhaps needed to start a bit simpler.

"I don't think this is necess-"

Tony cut Steve off with a wave of his hand. "Sure it is. You guys are gonna live in the 21st century, you're gonna learn to party like the 21st century. Here." He flipped on the stereo and hurried to join the other two, standing awkwardly in the middle of the floor. "Let's go."

The music started and Tony maneuvered himself between the Asgardian and the super soldier. "Alright, this is one of the most popular party songs there is, and really easy to dance to. Just follow the song. And my lead."

Tony's dance lesson would perhaps have gone better if he'd remembered that the lyrical directions didn't start right away. There was much bumping into each other and frustrated grumbles among the lesser experienced ranks.

"No, it's left left left _then_ change!"

"This dance is overly complex."

"Ow! Sorry, again, damn."

It got better when the lyrics began their instruction, however, and Clint walked in on them just as they were starting to get the hang of it.

_"To the right, the right, the right the right the right,  
To the left, to the left, to the left the left the left,  
Now kick, now kick, now come on baby, kick  
Now walk it by yourself, walk it by yourself."_

Barton's face lit up. "Hey, dance class! What, no Cha Cha Slide?"

"It is called the Cupid Shuffle," Thor informed him, kicking enthusiastically.

"Tony said it's really popular," Steve explained, face reddening as he boogied around to his right.

Clint snorted disdainfully. "That old thing? Please. I'll show you what all the cool kids are dancing to."


	3. Gangnam Style

"Oh. Hell. No."

"What? It's pop culture! None of that outdated shuffle crap." Clint turned from the facepalming Tony back to Thor and Steve. "Okay, this song is the real deal. _Everyone_ knows this song."

Steve and Thor glanced at the stereo, which was spewing Korean at rapid rate, and then back at Clint. Barton rolled his eyes. "Not this part. Wait for it, it'll come up. This part is just a lot of awkward standing around and this kind of thing." Clint bopped his head and hips to the beat and nodded encouragingly at his pupils.

Thor went along with it, but Steve hung back. "I tried this at the club and I suck."

"He really does," Tony chimed in helpfully.

"Okay, now this is how it goes," Clint said. "You put your hands like this-"

Steve and Thor crossed their wrists.

"-and now you ride the horse. With your hands like that." Clint demonstrated and the other two tried to copy him. "Ride a horse, guys, you look like Oompa-Loompas." Thor and Steve tried to make their action more horsey but ultimately failed. "Whatever. Now lasso."

"Stark, are you not going to join in the dance?" Thor asked of Tony, who was leaned against the wall playing on his phone.

"Nah, I'm just going to tape this. It's going to go viral in six seconds flat."

Steve blushed, still lassoing like a champ. "Damn it, Tony, this is not-"

Clint clapped his hands. "Pay attention, please, this is the hard part. Cause your legs have to do the thing, like this." He side-stepped across the room, smiling at Steve and Thor helpfully.

In practice, the side-steppy bit went better than the faux horse riding. With minimal practice, Steve was jigging across the floor like he'd been doing it his whole life. "This is really dumb," he protested.

"But it looks amazing," Clint promised, shuffling past him in the opposite direction.

Thor tripped over his feet for the fifth time and narrowly stopped himself from busting his ass. "This is a popular dance?" 

"Yeah, but don't worry, nobody can really do it right, it's cool to look stupid." Thor glared at him and Clint backtracked quickly. "Not that you do, I'm just saying in general."

"In general, the dance is a pop fad." Bruce Banner was leaning against the doorframe, surveying the dance class with a critical eye. "But please, keep going."

"Pop fad dancing is very important to learn if you're going to stay up with the times," Clint said huffily, trying to look aloof while riding an invisible horse."

"Why not learn something timeless instead?"

"Such as?"

"Come with me."


	4. River Flows in You

"This, I can do."

Bruce smiled at Steve. "Ballroom dancing, unlike your fads, never goes out of style." Clint made a dismissive noise and Bruce fixed him with a glare. "You can never go wrong with a good waltz, Barton."

The scientist paired Steve with Tony, since Steve clearly already grasped the basics, and took it upon himself to teach Thor how to waltz. Clint, lacking a partner, cued the music and sat back to watch.

Ballroom dancing, or at least waltzing, is mostly slow and can be taught slowly. Thor was a quick study, and soon he and Bruce were sweeping around the floor like Disney lovers. Tony, however, was not and Steve quickly became grateful for super toes, because at this rate Tony would have broken a lesser man's foot.

"Alright, now switch it up, change partners. Tony, you're out. Clint, you're in."

Tony smirked and pushed a protesting Barton into Thor's waiting arms. "Your turn, Legolas. I'm back to filming," Tony said, pulling out his phone. He glanced at Steve for his usual 'embarrassed to be filmed' reaction, but the super soldier was too absorbed in his dance.

Steve and Bruce waltzed sedately around the room, trying to ignore Clint's complaining that this dance was too slow for his lightning reflexes to grasp. "Thanks for putting some sensible dance lessons into this mess," Steve commented.

Bruce spun Steve out, then pulled him back easily. "Not a problem. I enjoy ballroom dancing. It's relaxing." Their steps flowed in time to the soft piano accompaniment, not quite drowned out by Clint's "when do we get to the rumba?" in the background. "Well, the waltz is relaxing, anyway."

Tony spied someone lurking by the door and called her out loudly. "Hi, Nat, come to join dance class?" Natasha entered the room fully, smiling benignly. 

"No, I'm pretty sure I understand the basics of this one." The Widow executed a quick waltz with herself, then went through a series of graceful ballet positions, finishing off with a pirouette and a quick wink.

"Yep, she's got it," Clint said, extricating himself from Thor. "Everyone can go home now."

"You going to teach us ballet?" Steve asked. His tone was joking but he raised his eyebrows in serious question. She laughed and shook her head.

"Not on your life. But if you want, I can teach you something a little different


	5. The Message

"Now, I realize that this might be a bit tricky for those of you with older bones," Natasha said with a smirk at Steve. "But agility is important for any field agent. Like I said, this is a little different."

She pressed the button on her iPod and she beckoned to the others, hanging back by the door. "Come on, don't be shy." 

Reluctantly the other Avengers scattered around her as the beat began pulsing through the speakers. "First off, top rock. Just bounce and cross step, like this." Natasha demonstrated easily and the others followed, less gracefully.

"This is not so difficult," Thor commented, stepping lightly and swinging his arms like he'd been doing this all his life. Steve had to agree; he'd thought break dancing was a bit more complex. At least, from what he'd seen.

And then the beat dropped.

Natasha hit the floor, yelling, "Down!" so sharply that the team hit the dirt before anyone could even think about it. "Now floor work. Just turn and step, watch." Natasha twisted on the floor, her feet flashing around her in a blur.

"Oh, now how are we supposed to follow that?" Tony complained, hopping awkwardly from foot to hand to foot. Clint rolled his eyes.

"Try to keep up, genius," the archer said. His floor work was impressive to such a degree that Steve suspected this was not his first rodeo. Or first break dance as it were. Steve himself was not having that much trouble; it was more an issue of stepping on his own hands than anything.

"This is supposed to be fun?" Bruce mumbled as his hands went out from under him for the third time. Thor grunted agreement, seriously beginning to regret his earlier flippancy in regards to the difficulty level.

"Come on, boys, it's not that hard." Natasha did a headstand and spun briefly before dropping into her step work again. Tony scoffed and fell on his ass as a result.

"Now you're just showing off."

The song ended and the Avengers collapsed to the floor, most flat on their backs. Natasha twirled onto her side, propping her head on one hand and managing to look singularly bored. "Exciting, isn't it?"

"Remind me never to challenge you to a dance off. Ever."

"I believe that we have been given a sufficient cross-section of Midgardian dance techniques," Thor said diplomatically.

Steve thumped his head against the floor and sighed. "What he means is, thanks, but that's about all the dance lessons we can take."


	6. Shake Ya Tail Feather

At least, they thought that was all the dance lessons they could handle. Thor and Steve were proven mightily wrong when Phil Coulson cornered them in the hall one day. "Cap. Thor."

"Agent," Steve said, nodding pleasantly. They were about to walk on by when Coulson stopped them again.

"I heard about all the dancing that's been going on in the tower."

Steve could feel a flush creeping up his neck. "Uh... yeah, Tony's idea."

"Stark and the others were very eager to teach us the proper mode of entertainment of the day," Thor put in. Coulson nodded gravely. 

"I see. However, what I want to know is this."

He paused and Steve braced himself for a comment on unprofessionalism or something. You could never tell what Coulson was going to say.

This was proven with the agent's next sentence. "Why on earth didn't you ask me? Did you not think I could dance? Or am I not invited to the Avengers Dance Party?" Thor and Steve gaped at him. Phil smirked. "What, the old man can't get down occasionally? Come on."

He dragged them into an empty conference room. "Cap, you missed pretty much the greatest era of dance being frozen in that glacier. The seventies and eighties produced some of the most creative dance moves ever seen." Steve was taken aback; he'd rarely heard Coulson talk even remotely this much.

Coulson pulled up a playlist on his phone and set it on the table. "Alright, here we go. There's a lot of variety, so consider this a crash course on the essentials." Crash course was no exaggeration; in only a few minutes Coulson ran through every dance imaginable, from the Twist to the Watusi to the Mashed Potato.

As many as there were, none were overly complicated and Thor caught on quickly. He laughed uproariously, doing the Swim while Coulson held his nose and shimmied to the floor. Steve was...not lost exactly, but a little slow on the uptake considering he was still processing the idea of the normally demur Phil Coulson doing the Boogaloo.

All of them were just starting to hit a rhythm and the Blues Brothers were up next on the playlist when Steve's cell rang. He shushed the others and answered. "Hello?"

Breathless laughing came over the receiver. "Are you-" The caller gulped and tried again. "Are you three aware that that window opens right onto the tower next to you?"

Steve spun around and squinted out of the open window. Sure enough, Tony and Clint were in the window of the skyscraper opposite, laughing their asses off. Steve flushed. "Roger that, Stark. We'll be there momentarily."

"No, wait, don't come over-"

Steve hung up and pointed the phone at Thor. "We've got some business to take care of. In the other tower. If you'll excuse us, Agent."

Coulson straightened his tie primly and picked up his phone. "Certainly, Cap." He smiled at the heroes. "Until next time?"

"Next time."


	7. Candyman

By the time Thor and Steve made it back over to Stark Tower, the others had ganged up on them. The god and the super soldier were met with a challenge from their teammates.

"Alright, Cap, we've had our fun. Now it's your turn."

Steve glared at Clint. "Our turn to kick your ass. Spying on people is not funny."

Tony snickered. "No, but your dancing is."

"Seriously though," Natasha cut in, "show us your moves. We know you two aren't completely ignorant, so... Show us what you've got."

Thor and Steve exchanged a look. "I would enjoy the opportunity," Thor said. Steve nodded.

"Alright, you're on. Thor, would you like to lead?"

"I believe the saying of Midgard is 'age before beauty'."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Disregarding the fact that you're probably a whole century older than me, I'll take it." He pulled out his phone and held up a finger to his assembled teammates. "One second, I'll need backup."

Tony counted heads. "Uh, all your backup is here."

Steve grinned. "Not all of it."

* * *

 

Five minutes later, Bucky Barnes stepped off the elevator. He glanced around at the assembled Avengers and smiled weakly. "Am I in trouble?"

Steve put an arm around his friend's shoulders. "Not yet. I figured that, since you're feeling better, we could show these 21st century losers how we did it back in the day."

Bucky's face went red. "How we..."

"Dancing, Buck. Get your mind out of the gutter."

Bucky laughed. "Right. Dancing."

"Think you can still remember how to swing?"

"It'll come back to me."

Steve stepped in and took Bucky by the hand. "Dr. Banner, start the groove, please."

What followed was less a dance lesson as a dance exhibition. Barnes and Rogers swept the floor, swooping and stepping with not a single attempt at explaining how they were doing it. Tony tried coaxing Bruce into copying them, but mostly everyone was contented to watch the two super soldiers swing dance their super hearts out.

The song ended with Bucky somehow sitting on Steve's shoulders. The Avengers clapped politely, duly impressed.

"Is there a lesson in there somewhere or are you two just going to keep showing off," Natasha asked dryly. Steve smiled at her.

"If you like. Everybody get into pairs. Tony, you're with me." Stark groaned as Steve grabbed his hand. "This is payback for the club, isn't it."

Steve blinked innocently as he dipped the billionaire nearly to the ground. "I don't know what you're talking about."


	8. Golden Years

After Steve and Bucky were through sweeping the floor with their teammates, it was given to Thor for his part of the lessons. The tall Asgardian rubbed his hands together in a decidedly gleeful way.

"There are many complex dances enjoyed by my people on Asgard. Our celebrations are raucous and joyous with single dances that can go on for several hours."

"Are we going to be here for several hours," Tony put in, "because I have a thing with Pepper at six-"

"However!" Thor announced, skipping right over Tony's sarcasm. "I have chosen one of the simpler revels in which to instruct you today. It is very similar to one of your own dances, so this should not be too difficult. Let us begin."

Thor arranged them into pairs in a vague circle, ensuring that everyone could see him. "Firstly, you must bow to your partner." He did so, the other Avengers following his example jerkily. "And then you proceed thus."

The god of thunder lead them in a series of graceful, sweeping, almost familiar motions. But it wasn't until the clap that Tony realized where the deja vu was coming from. 

"Okay," he said abruptly, stopping in the middle of a step and causing Natasha to bump into him. "Which one of you jokers showed him A Knight's Tale? Rogers, I'm looking at you, this seems like just the kind of trick you would pull." 

Thor crossed his arms menacingly. "Are you mocking the traditions of my people, Stark?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I'd simply like to know whether Heath Ledger had a nice time on Asgard."

Bruce tapped Tony's shoulder. "Uh, Tony, maybe this isn't-"

Tony brushed off his friend to concentrate on Thor. "I'll have you know that I've been taking your dance education very seriously and I don't appreciate this mockery."

Clint and Natasha facepalmed with a unison that Steve thought had to be rehearsed. Thor's glare was going completely over Tony's head, as usual, and the genius didn't seem to realize how much trouble he was about to get into.

"Have a care, Stark," Thor rumbled. "Asgard does not suffer insult lightly."

Considering the clouds gathering ominously outside, Steve figured this was a good time to step in. "What was it, Thor? Like a clap and then a jump?" He did a rough approximation of the dance, hoping to distract Thor from possibly smiting Tony.

Thor threw one last pointed glance at Tony, then turned to instructing again. "Almost, my friend. Here, I will demonstrate again. For anyone who is willing to take their dance education seriously," he added sharply.

Tony rolled his eyes, but a healthy stomp on the toes from Natasha persuaded him to join the dance with only minor grumbling. 

Resemblance to A Knight's Tale notwithstanding, the Asgardian dance was a hit with the newborn Avengers dance club. It was agreed that perhaps at last Steve Rogers and Thor were fit to be seen at a public party in the 21st century.


	9. Party Rock Anthem

In light of Captain America and Thor's recent success in the field of dancing, Tony thought it appropriate to throw yet another one of his huge parties. Everyone who was anyone was there and there was no way anyone was going to get away without cutting a rug this time.

Steve stood by Thor awkwardly, surveying the crowded hall. "Quite a party, isn't it."

"Indeed."

"It doesn't really seem like the kind of party to do any of the dances we know, does it."

Thor shrugged. "I have learned, Captain Rogers, that sometimes the technique of dance does not matter quite so much as the spirit in which it is performed. It is in that spirit that I wish to celebrate tonight"

Steve laughed and clapped the tall god on the back. "You've got a point there. Let's go show them what we can do."

Bruce was ensconced in the DJ booth, feeling contented to watch rather than to join in the press of humanity on the floor. Clint joined Thor and Steve in the center of the dance, yelling encouragement above the music as the three of them threw down. Tony was at the bar, matching Rhodey shot for shot.

A new song came on and with it, a new voice. Rhodey looked up. "Hey, isn't that Thor doing karaoke over there?"

Tony glanced over and sure enough, there was Thor, hanging onto the mic with one hand and Natasha with the other, belting out the lyrics to _Party Rock Anthem_ with all his heart. As the billionaire watched, Thor grabbed Natasha's hands and pulled her into something vaguely resembling a swing dance.

"Oh. Hell. No. I _know_ I taught him better than that." Tony stood up, pushing his empty shot glass at Rhodey. "Hold my drink."

The crowd parted as the host of the party made his way into the middle of the dance floor. He found Steve there, doing a passable attempt at the Dougie.

"What is Thor doing, exactly?" Tony shouted into the super soldier's ear.

"Karaoke. And the Bird. I think."

"You boys are hopeless. Watch me work." Tony cleared a space around himself with a wave of his hand, preparing to bust the mother of all moves. He took another look at Thor, who had moved on to dancing Gangnam Style, then looked back at Steve.

"Next we're teaching you two how to rap battle!"

**Author's Note:**

> This fic comes complete with a mix: http://8tracks.com/chernoalpha/dance-lessons


End file.
